Battles won and lost
by The Lady J
Summary: Tony and Steve have a lot to overcome to find their way to each other.
1. In His Voice, There is Safety

There are two more one shots for this series. Both are done and will be posted soon.

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In His Voice, There is Safety By Jaspers Dark Angel

A boy of about 16 cowers in the corner of a dimly lit room, the one person in his life that should love him, unconditionally, looms over him, a scotch in one hand, a belt in the other.

Howard stark was is bastard, no one knows that better then his son. Raising to his feet, Anthony decides he's had enough. He doesn't need his father, he has his mother's inheritance, he could easily live off of what her death provided him with. He could emancipate and wash his hands of Howard Stark. He so badly wanted to. The only thing that kept him around was his godfather. He wouldn't leave because it would mean losing the only person Tony loves.

He had loved his mother, but she had died a few years ago, from stomach cancer. It had taken her fast, but she had suffered horribly before the end. Tony could hear her screams at night when the house was still. The pain of her death had driven Howard to drink. By day, Howard was a genius, a billionaire,creator and owner of the largest weapons manufacturer in the world. By night, he was a drunk, angry and abusive. Tony, the only person in the house other than ghosts, bared the brunt of Howard's anger.

The sound of a belt cracking rang through the air as the thick leather strap hit Tony across his cheek. His head flew to the side, smashing into the wall he stood against. Unable to keep his balance through the dizziness the hit had caused, Tony sank to the floor, a strangled cry escaping his lips.

Tony's vision is blurry and weak in the dim light of his father's study. He was having a hard time recalling why he was in the room so often off limits, but a shout from outside the door stops him from worrying. The door shakes as the person on the other side grabs the knob. Tony half heartedly smiles, he knows that voice, he knows that safety comes with that voice. A sharp kick to his abdomen from the man above him sends him sprawling along the floor as the door bursts off its hinges.

"Howard, walk away. I won't let you hurt him anymore!"

Tony doesn't hear anymore of the exchange, the sweet silence of darkness overtakes him and the image before him goes dead.

Its a while before Tony comes to and when he does, he isn't on the floor of his father's study, he's in a soft plush bed, wrapped in strong arms and a deep warmth floods him. He knows where he is, he knows who has him and he doesn't want to get up. He doesn't want to move. He thinks he's died and gone to heaven because that is the only way he would find himself pressed up against the strong chest that is attached to those arms. The strong smell of cedar and mint fills Tony's senses and he tries to breath it in, the air makes his lungs burn, but he tries to keep his movements to a minimum, wanting to delay the moment when the safety of those arms leaves. Steve knows Tony is awake and moves to sit up, leaving cold spots where Steve's embrace has vanished. Tony tries not to let the loss of contact show on his face and he hopes that if it does, Steve mistakes it for pain because oh my god does Tony hurt. He hurts so bad, and he can't remember the last time he's hurt like this, the last time he let Howard get one over on him. He'd been so careful to keep away from him. He had learned his father's habits and schedule to be able to avoid this type of situation. He had made sure that he was never home when Howard was, but today he hadn't had a choice. Steve, had been out on a date or something, Tony didn't know, he hadn't bothered to ask. He had figured he would be able to fly under Howard's drunk radar, but he regrets not asking Steve to leave a window open for him.

Tony shifts in his bed and gasps as a sharp stabbing pain hits him in the lungs.

"Tony!" Steve grabs his hand and Tony squeezes as hard as he can, "Don't try to move, that last hit broke a few ribs." Tony looks down at his naked bandaged torso and groans. His father, typically so careful not to leave marks, has finally gone too far.

"I'm sorry Tony, I'm really sorry." Steve says, long fingers ghosting over the welt on his cheek. Tony hisses at the contact but doesn't move away from Steve touch.

"S'not your fault Steve," Tony mumbles. The blame lay only on one person. The man with whom he shared have his genetics, the man whom he had once, many years ago yearned to have love from.

"I should have been there to stop it." Steve says, planting his face into his hands, his shoulders sag under the weight of his misplaced guilt. "I should have put a stop to it along time ago." He says, his voice muffled under his hands. Tony has never blamed Steve for not being around more, the life of Captain America was busy. He was an American hero and a celebrity. Tony didn't see him much when he was younger, too many wars or diplomatic issues required his attention. But as Tony got older and the need for Captain America slowed down, Tony was able to get to know the man that he had idolized as a young boy.

"My father is a monster Steve, I know he's your friend but he's..." Tony trails off because he doesn't want to show his feelings on the subject of his father. The fact is, Tony hates his father, like really hates his father. He wishes many times throughout the day, that Howard had been the one to die and not his mother.

Steve sighs and places a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Get some rest Tony. We can talk more in the morning."

Steve leaves Tony alone in his room, Tony doesn't know exactly what Steve wants to talk about but he doesn't dwell on it either. He was too busy missing the mans company.

Tony Stark is a lonely boy, 16 and in college, working on his masters degree, the only reason he was still living at home was because Howard had made it mandatory. It sucks and Tony fucking hates it. But he found he didn't fit in with anyone in his classes either, they were all so much older and stupider than him. He had no friends with the exception of Steve and Steve was considerably older. Steve looked like he was 26, but he wasn't. His super soldier serum had frozen his aging process, Steve Rogers would never look older than 26 years old. It was odd to know that Tony would grow old, get wrinkles and gray hair, but the man he had come to love, yes love, would forever have beautiful golden blond hair, perfectly tan skin, a soft calm wrinkle free face and wash board abs. Steve was gorgeous, you'd have to be fucking blind not to think so, his eyes sparkle like the night sky, his smile could light up a room, and he was a genuinely nice person. He never treated people like they were beneth him, because he never believed anyone was. He was sincere and happy. He was everything, Tony wanted.

It had taken Tony a few years to realize that the feelings he felt for his godfather were not entirely platonic. He had a very hard time hiding it too, a 16 year old didn't always have control of his body, and he had had to step away from his godfather's embrace quicker sometimes in the hopes that his feelings weren't known. He wasn't totally sure his affections had managed to go unnoticed but Steve never gave any indication, Tony chose to believe that he had thus far gotten away with his secret.

He wasn't exactly sure how he would explain his feelings to Steve and had long ago decided to keep them to himself. It wasn't exactly something you dropped in someones lap, especially not your godfather's. They may not have been blood related but it still wasn't something that was readily accepted by society. So Tony had decided to suffer in silence and pray that one day, someone would come along that he would love more than the Captain.

"You are a disgrace to the Stark name! I'm ashamed to call you my son." Howard shouts as he stumbles from his office.

Down the hall Tony waits, he knows what's coming. He always knows what's coming. He tries so hard, so hard, not to panic, not to show fear, but he hears Howard's footsteps and his heart beats a little faster.

Where is Steve? Tony can help but wonder. Why has he been left alone with Howard, again?

The sting of the laceration on his cheek is still fresh and he can't move fast enough to get away from Howard, because of the broken ribs. But Tony tries, he wills his legs to move, to force him further down the hall, away from the enraged shouts of the drunk man coming his way. But he's sluggish and his foot catches on something. In his haste he is unable to catch himself and he goes flying, crying out as his freshly broken ribs make contact with the hardwood surface of the floor. The bandages on his ribs provide no traction, allowing him to slide uncontrollably. Unable to stop himself Tony hits the wall, when he opens his eyes against the new pains that are blossoming all around his body, Tony comes face to face with Howard's cold stare. Hollow brown eyes look down on him in disgust. Tony knows what's coming and readies himself, unable to do anything else Tony fights. He flails his arms about in the hopes that Howard's blows will be blocks at least a few times.

"Tony! Tony!" He's being shaken and Howard is talking to him, but it isn't Howard's voice. "Come on baby boy, follow my voice, its ok." The voice says again. He knows that voice, thats the voice that belongs to hope and love. "No one is going to hurt you, I promise."

Tony blinks, the room is dark save for a small sliver of moonlight shining through an open window curtain. "Steve?" he says, his voice is slow and raspy, confusion laced.

"Yeah, baby boy, it's me," Steve says, breathlessly, moving only slightly, so that Tony can focus on his face. "I got you baby boy, you're safe." he says, panting slightly, Tony put up a hell of a fight. Staring at the shining blue eyes in front of him, Tony is overcome with just how beautiful Steve is. Under normal circumstances Tony would have been able to stop himself, but still heavily under the influence of sleep and possibly pain medication, Tony's inhibitions are lesioned. Instead of realizing why what he wants to do is wrong on so many levels, he gives in. Pulls Steve close, as close as he can force the big man, and captures his lips with his own. The lips are unresponsive but soft, Tony expected as much. But they don't pull away as fast as they should have, they hesitate and linger before Steve pulls away, eyes wide with shock.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Steve," Tony says, slightly horrified as he realizes what he's just done. the truth is, Tony's only half sorry, about the kiss. He has dreamt of what kissing Steve would be like for years. He's wanted to feel those plump pink lips and know what they tasted like and he was definitely not sorry that he had finally found out. He was sorry that he had put Steve in that position, knowing that the man wouldn't feel the same way for his 16 year old godson. Tony, did feel bad about that, even if he had hoped that Steve could see past the age difference and see the similarities.

Tony may have only been 16 but he was far more mature than even his college classmates.

Steve shakes his head, "Its ok Tony, I'm not mad." Tony can't help but breathe a sigh of relief at hearing Steve's words.

Tony is exhausted and decides he can no longer keep his eyes open. its all been too much, the emotional roller coaster he's been on because of his dad and the man sitting on his bed in front of him, and the physical damage, his body is needing to recover from. The weight of everything comes crashing down on him and he falls back against his pillow, pulling Steve down with him.

"Stay with me?" Tony asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He doesn't hear an answer but feels the bed shift. A set of strong arms wrap around him and he falls, soundlessly into a warm cocoon of safety.

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I really hope you all liked it, leave me some love :)


	2. In His Heart, There is Love

So I removed the rest of this series because I redid it. This Chapter is almost completely re-written. I hope you like it. The last part of the series will be posted again in a few days, once I'm finished looking it over and deciding if im happy with it.

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The days, weeks and months wore on without incident. Tony found comfort in Steve and Steve; well Steve found a war within himself.

And what a battle it was, forged through doubt and self loathing, fraught with hatred and self-deprecation on the battlefield of sorrow, pain and heartache. The victor was not yet known but Steve could feel the tides of change coming. Slowly the battle was wearing him down.

He knew the feelings were wrong, more than wrong really, but he couldn't stop them from growing.

It had shocked him to his very core, just how quickly emotions could change. Like the setting sun on one day, it rose again and a new day dawned. With it brought a new view, a new hope and a new love. A love he had always held dear to him, but had changed in a way that he had not seen coming. Steve had never looked at Tony as anything, except Howard's little boy; his godson. However, looking back, he could see when his views on the boy had started to change.

It had started even before the kiss, sometime while Maria had been dying. Steve had watched Howard fall apart at the seams and land in a bottle of amber liquid, Tony had remained strong and optimistic. Even in the face of his mother's death, he had not let it consume him. He had remained as happy as was possible to be and he had not taken his grief out on those around him.

Yes, it had taken Tony a long time to mourn the passing of his mother, that was not something someone just got over, but he had mourned and had allowed himself to be comforted. Howard had turned to the bottle to drown his sorrows. Steve had come to realize then, just how different the two Starks were. Tony was strong and determined, but kind and compassionate. Howard was weak in mind and frail in spirit and he was mean. Steve had discovered the bully within Howard Stark and he had found hatred for the man. At 14 years old, Tony had already proven to be a better man than Stark senior was. He had never expected to hate the man, but he did. There were many things Steve never expected.

The war within Steve continues, having not fully given into to his desires. He struggles with his guilt every day.

He's never spoken to Tony about the kiss, mostly out of fear. Fear was an interesting emotion for Captain America, not one that he was used to experiencing. Yet a 17 year old boy had reduced him to a base instinct; fight or flight, and Steve wasn't sure which to chose. Unfamiliar with the desire to flee but so badly wanting to, Steve struggled with the desire to see it through, see what he and Tony can make of it. He hadn't asked Tony about the kiss because he's scared of the answers. Part of him was afraid that Tony would tell him that it was an accident. That lack of sleep and pain meds caused him to...something, he wasn't sure, or that he didn't remember doing it. But the other part of him, the rational part that tells him everything about this was wrong, was worried that Tony would admit to the kiss, give him logical reasons as to why the kiss was right and how their love would work out in the end.

Steve's inner turmoil was as of yet, unknown to anyone, he remained stoic and composed on the outside even when standing next to the object of his affections. No one would ever guess that he was falling in love with his Godson.

It had not been an easier year for either Steve or Tony, but they had made it work. Tony celebrated his 17th birthday by telling Howard that he was moving to Massachusetts as he had been accepted to MIT. Howard had been less than pleased to hear his 17-year-old son speak to him in such a way, had Steve not been standing by (down the hall, not totally out of ears reach), Tony may have ended up on the business end of a belt again, but Howard had refrained.

Steve was standing in the apartment he and Tony had rented. One of the only reasons Howard had allowed his son to journey so far, had been because Steve was going as his caregiver. Though Steve believed, Howard had been relieved to see Tony go and really only held up the pretences of caring about his underage son living alone. Steve didn't believe Howard would have put up much of a fight, even if Tony had said he was going by himself. He wasn't sure why Howard held such contempt for his son, but there was no denying it was there, and the feelings were more than mutual.

Steve heard the thud of bags landing on the floor behind him and turned around to see Tony, brown eyes bright with excitement, hair sticking up in an uncontrolled kind of way, plump pink lips, and a rumbled disheveled outfit. If Steve didn't know any better he'd have believe Tony to have just been fucked. He did know better, however that did not stop the white-hot knot of desire from curling in his stomach.

"Honey, I'm home!" Tony said as he looked around the tiny apartment, Steve **barely** resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but it is difficult. A living room, a tiny kitchen, one bathroom and 2 bedrooms made up the cramped apartment. So far from anything, Tony had ever known before, but the boy did not **seem to** care. **To him** it was home.

"My god am I tired," He said, as Steve looked around, grateful that they had paid to have it furnished. It meant they could go to sleep and not worry, beyond unpacking **some clothes**.

"Want to tuck me in?" Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. Steve froze, confusion **paralyzed** his brain. He wanted so badly to take Tony to bed. **However**, tucking **Tony** in, would be the last thing that would entail. Images of discarded clothing and flailing limbs flooded his brain and he tried to remember how to speak.

"Joking Cap." Tony said, as he moved to his room. But as Tony closed the door to his room Steve, in his super soldier glory heard his boy mumble "Well sorta."

Steve tried not to let his heart swell at Tony's words but he recognized the feelings in his chest for what they were. The hopeful part of him, hoping that maybe Tony returned the strange feelings. Steve shook his head, dispelling anymore thoughts on the topic of hope and love and moved to his room, toeing his shoes off and shedding his shirt. All Steve wanted to do, was fall face first into the soft bed, he was tired. Physically and emotionally spent. The phone in the living room was ringing before Steve could get further than a fleeting thought of falling on the bed.

"Shit." The sound of water running told him that Tony was in the shower, which left him, the only other person in the house, to answer the phone.

"Hello," Steve said into the receiver, his voice tired even to him.

"Ah, yes, is this Mr. Steve Rogers?" Steve was confused; he had not given this number to anyone but Howard.

"This is Steve Rogers, yes." The door to bathroom opened and Steve turned to look and to his shock; Tony was dressed solely in a towel that hung, slightly too low for the reputable part of Steve's brain. His hair was wet and sparse beads of water rolled down his taut abdomen as they dripped from ends of his hair.

"Who's on the phone?" Tony mouthed, Steve shrugged, he'd missed what the voice on the other side had said **with his distraction**.

"I'm sorry, What?" Steve said into the receiver, **he looked** at the floor embarrassed by his ogling.

"Sir, there's been an accident; we regret to inform you that Howard Stark was killed today in a car crash." Steve dropped the phone in shock. He turned back to the boy who had suddenly become an orphan. Tears sprang to his eyes, Steve was unsure how to tell this boy that he loved, what had happened. Tony and Howard weren't friendly to each other but Steve believed they at least loved each other deep, very deep down.

"Steve?"What...What is it?" Tony's voice sounded worried as he reached a hand out and grabbed him by the arm. Steve's head was spinning, he may have hated Howard Stark for what he had become, but he had never ever wanted him dead. He was Tony's father, and Steve had been so sure that as Tony got older, they would be able to patch up their strained relationship. Now it was too late. With Howard gone, Tony was now all alone in the world he had no family left. No one left except for Steve; who in all honesty, had not exactly been the greatest of a godfather lately. What kind of godfather entertained impure sexual thoughts, towards the boy they had promised to protect and keep safe, from the harms of the world? Steve was a horrible person and yet he was all Tony had left.

The war within him waged on, unrelenting, even in the face of being the only living adult to care for Tony. Steve** just** could not reconcile his feelings for Tony and no matter how devastated by Howard's death he was, looking at Tony, standing before him in a towel and nothing else, Steve felt his resolve begin to break.

"There...There's been an accident." Steve said, his watery blue eyes met, confused brown.

"What kind of accident Steve?" Tony asked a slight panic in his voice.

"Your father..." Steve paused, choking on the words. "Howard's been killed in a car accident." Tony released his grip on Steve, stumbled back, reeling from the news. There may have been no love lost between the two Starks, but that clearly didn't mean that on some level Tony didn't care for his father. As Steve watched, Tony crumpled to the floor, tears fell from his eyes and his breath coming in quick bursts. Steve dropped to his knees and landed at Tony's side, without really thinking, he grabbed the boy by the arms, he really just needed something to do. **He was** unsure how to stop the panic attack Tony seemed to be having. But before **he** could do anything, Tony was up and racing to the bathroom, purging the small meal they had consumed on the flight.

The toilet flushed and Steve could hear the water running again. But he refused move from his spot on the floor. His body was slowly growing numb, his brain ignoring the news of Howard's death. He heard door to Tony's room shut, completely spent he slumped against the couch completely unsure if his legs could even move, let alone hold his weight. The dial tone could be heard from the phone on the floor where it had been dropped, the sound tells him they had been disconnected from the person, on the other end.

Start editing again from here.

He didn't remember going into his room, but when he woke up, he was buried in a soft bed, wrapped warmly around a firm mass, something tickling his nose and the faint scent of apples hung in the air. Steve opened his eyes, Tony was snuggled safely into his chest. Face tear streaked and mouth set in a firm line. Even in sleep, Steve could see the pain Tony was in. He wanted so badly to be able to take way the pain. A 17 year old should not suffer so much, but Tony has and **despite how much** Steve **wanted to,** he could not change that. All he could do, was help make the road ahead easier. Steve wasn't **exactly** sure **how he** was going to be able to **accomplish** that, but he would try. Somehow, Tony had remained strong, not allowing all the hardships in his life to get to him. Steve couldn't help but hope that perhaps it was because of his influence **over the years but another part of him didn't dare believe someone with the questionable moral code could have such a great influence on someone. **

Tony, in the midst of a dream started to move and mumble a little against Steve, the tiny wisps of air from Tony, faned out across Steve's chest, and tickled him. Steve tried so hard not to laugh but couldn't stop the chuckle the escapes, and was unable to prevent the movement. The sensation jostled Tony, which caused him to turn in the embrace. Tony's leg brushed against Steve crotch, causing him to moan. Steve loosened his grip on Tony almost instantly. He hadn't noticed how turned on by Tony's embrace he been. He had not gotten far in changing his clothing before the phone rang and **with** the emotional turmoil of the night before **having** taken over, he **had gone to bed dressed** in his slacks and they **were** painfully tight. Steve **was losing his last shred of control,** he didn't know if he could fight his feelings for Tony **much longer**. The fight that was not made any easier when Tony pushed up against Steve's cloth covered dick.

"Oh god," Steve muttered, closing his eyes. The slight wiggle of hips told him that Tony was awake and knew exactly what he was doing. Steve placed one of his large hands on Tony's hips and stilled the motion.

"Please. Don't. Do. That." Steve growled. He was having a hard time controlling his **overwhelming **desire. He released Tony's hip and rolled out of the bed. He **knew he** didn't have the strength to deny his desires, if he had remained in the bed **any longer**. He needed a shower, he needed to clear his head and he needed to strengthen his resolve to **push away** the feelings he was having.

The week that followed would probably go down as one of the worst in Tony's life. They had hardly had time to get settled into the apartment, when they were forced to race back to California for the funeral and the estate dealings. The company was placed in Stane's care until Tony was 21 and Steve signed every document needed to allow Tony to emancipate. Tony was 17 and in all honesty hardly a kid anyway. It hadn't hurt Tony that Steve was willing to give up custody of him. It would have made getting him into bed, a lot harder anyway.

Within a month of being, back in Cambridge Tony had let the apartment go and had found a house that really couldn't be considered a house. Steve had tried to stay behind; stating that Tony was allowed to live on his own and he should enjoy that. However, Tony wouldn't allow it it. He knew there was something between the two of them. Something that could turn into more if Tony was just willing to push the limits a little bit, to show Steve just how right they were for each other.

It wouldn't be easy, Tony **wasn't one to **delude himself into thinking that he could just convince Captain America to fall in love with a minor, who happened to be his best friends son and oh yeah a guy. Steve Rogers was a class of man all by himself. He was gentle and kind, he was innocent, doe eyed, and he held a conviction so fierce that would have to be pried from his cold dead hands before he would give it up.

He had grown up in the 20s and 30s when homosexuality was thought to be a disease. Tony was pretty sure Steve didn't hold with that way of thinking, if that first morning in the apartment was anything to go by, but he had shut Tony down pretty fast, so the reality was, he may just not be into guys. Though sometimes when Steve didn't think Tony was looking, Tony would catch a glance or a look from Steve that would give him hope that maybe he did feel the same way.

Tony was sure that he was in love with Steve and probably had been from the time he could walk. Steve had been **the one** constant figure in his life, even when his parents weren't. Steve had been the person Tony had talked to about his first crush on a girl, had been the one he had cried to when the girl had broken his heart. Steve had always been the one to pick him up when he was having a bad day, to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be ok.

Steve meant more to Tony than anything ever had. He could not, for a second imagine his life without Steve by his side. He wanted to know Steve inside and out. He wanted to know what made him tick, what he did to relax and unwind, he wanted to feel those strong arms wrapped around him in the middle of the night, feel the safety those arms and that body held. He wanted to know what it was like to truly be loved by the most amazing man. Tony had tried to be content with just being Steve's friend, but he could not do it. He wanted it all, he wanted all of Steve. To wake up and see Steve's beautiful face first thing in the morning, to know that he would be the last person Steve would see before going to **sleep**. He wanted to be the reason Steve lived. There wasn't a single part of him that did not want Steve.

Steve was all Tony thought about, even in his lab at MIT and the smaller lab in the basement of his house. It had taken Tony months of living under the same roof as Steve to realize just how obsessed with the man he had become.

Tony's obsession sat in their living room having drinks with a pretty **woman** and the thought of what that meant was driving Tony nuts so he had decided to go play in his lab. He had been tinkering with AI's and robotics and had decided to put the two together. It required a lot of **concentration**, because the idea of AI's and robotics were still a very new thing to the world. It was not something he should have been doing while his mind was upstairs on the couple in his living room. Steve and his "date", Tony wasn't actually sure if Samantha was his date or if they were just friends or something, which irritated him even more. Steve hadn't given any explanations just introduced her as Samantha and steered her into another room as Tony was heading to the kitchen where Jarvis, his butler, had been fixing dinner.

Tony had wanted so badly to listen in on what was being said. He wanted to know what Steve and the blond leggy chick were talking about, because he couldn't for the life of him remember Steve ever having a girlfriend or a boyfriend even. The only people he had ever known Steve to be around had been him, his father and his mother. They had talked about Bucky and Peggy, but there was never anyone else. Bucky was a source of great pain to Steve and that topic typically was left alone. Tony knew Peggy and Steve had had a thing, but as Peggy got old and Steve didn't, they had drifted apart. So the fact that Steve had someone, Tony didn't know, in the house made Tony curious, perhaps even a bit neurotic and twitchy, but Steve had closed the doors to the living room. Which had left Tony no way of effectively eavesdropping after that.

It was due to his curiosity and obsession with everything Steve that he had mistakenly crossed a few wires. The explosion that it created had been spectacular and had sent Tony crashing into the wall opposite.

"Oops," he said as he reached up to touch his head and felt the blood start to trickle down.

"Tony! Oh my God, Tony are you ok?" The voice that called his name sounded very far away and when Tony opened his eyes, the room he was in spun and caused him to have a hard time focusing. Tony blinked a few **times,** glad he could finally make out Steve and in the far corner of his blown up lab was Steve's friend. What was her name again?

"I didn't expect that?" Tony felt confused and his head hurt but he was regaining his thoughts.

"Tony," Steve said, one firm hand on Tony's cheek, the other on his shoulder.

"I'm fine Steve, I swear. I'm sorry I ruined your evening, I'm just going to go up to my room." He said, trying to stand and falling into Steve.

"Stay here. I'm going to walk Sam out and I'll be right back." Steve said, guiding Tony back down to the floor. Tony nodded absently watching as Steve and his date left the room. As soon as Steve **was gone,** Tony pulled himself to his feet and stumbled up the stairs to his room. It took longer than he had expected but he had found his way to his room at last. Inside he collapsed on the bed and refused to move. His whole body hurt. He had a headache and he was so very tired. Which probably meant he had a concussion, and that he probably should not go to sleep. Nevertheless, Tony felt **himself** losing the battle to stay awake, until he felt strong arms wrap around him.

Of course, he knew those arms. He didn't fight as they pulled him into an upright position and let him go. Tony sat on the edge of the bed with Steve kneeling down on the floor looking into his eyes. The blue of Steve's eyes was so intense that it was almost painful to look at. Worry written so clearly on Steve's face, but there was something else; something more to that look, something Tony had never seen in Steve before.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!" Steve said, "I **cannot** lose you." Steve's thumb caressed Tony's cheek and try as Tony **might;** he couldn't help but close his eyes and lean into the touch. He longed for Steve's touch.

"I can't do this **anymore**!" Steve said sharply, causing Tony to open his eyes. Steve was staring at him. His face screwed up with pain. Tony was scared, convinced that he had finally pushed the last person that loved him away, but that fear went out the window as Steve smashed their lips together.

Tony didn't allow his brain to analyze the kiss, all he did was feel it. Steve's lips were soft, smooth and warm. The kiss had meant to be chaste, Tony felt Steve start to pull away, but Tony wrapped his arms around Steve neck and locked him in place. He nibbled Steve's bottom lip like had wanted to some many times and was rewarded with a soft moan as Steve opened his mouth to allow Tony entrance. Steve was scared; Tony could feel the hesitation so he took charge, pulling Steve with him as he laid back on the bed. Steve was a few inches taller and a good fifty-pounds heavier than **Tony was,** but at the moment, he didn't care. Steve was kissing him and he had Steve's body pressed against him. Tony was hard, painfully hard; the pain from the explosion had receded to the back of Tony's mind as Steve shifted slightly above him. Tony broke the kiss unable to stop the gasp, as Steve's movement created a friction Tony desperately wanted.

"Steve," Tony's voice was raspy, just a few kisses and he already sounded wrecked.

"Is this what you really want?" Tony forced his hips up into Steve's, rubbing his erection against Steve's to prove just how much he wanted it. Steve moved slightly, bracing his hand on Tony's hip to still his movement.

"Yes! God, yes Steve I want this. I want this so bad." Something in Steve's face changed at Tony's words. Steve's hand moved slowly from Tony's to hip sliding over his cloth covered erection. Tony closed his eyes, the sensation was almost too much for him to handle and yet it wasn't nearly enough.

"What do you want, baby boy? Tell me what you want." Steve said running his hand down Tony's leg.

"I want you to touch me, I need to feel you." There was so much more that Tony wanted, but the words died on his lips as he felt the button on his jeans pop open and the zipper slid down. Tony let out a moan as he felt Steve release his cock from the confines of his underwear. Steve's hands were calloused and firm. Tony writhed as Steve's hand moved, Steve's thumb dipped into his slit, spreading the pre-cum, pumping him slow but firmly. The white hot coil in the pit of his stomach was wound tightly, It didn't take long for Tony to come, the feel of Steve's body against his, the touch of those fingers across the head of his dick, the knowledge that something he had wanted for so long was finally happening. Tony should have been embarrassed that it he came so fast but he couldn't find it in him to care. He was too happy to care, his euphoria was short lived, however, as the pain in his head from the explosion came back. He wanted to get Steve off, just like Steve had done for him but he was too tired and Steve being the gentleman that he was, pulled Tony to the head of the bed, wrapped his arm around him and pulled him firmly into his chest and let him fall asleep.

The next morning, Tony was sore, but he was warm and pressed firmly against something. As he moved slightly, he discovered that he was pressed against Steve. The events of the night before came crashing down on Tony and he heart swelled.

Tony turned in Steve's arms to face him. "Hey Steve," Tony said, burying his nose in Steve's chest. "I love you. I know this isn't going to be easy, but, I love you."

Tony felt Steve's chest heave with a heavy sigh, his hair ruffled with the air that was expelled. "You're right, this won't be easy, But Tony, I know you're worth it. I love you too. God help me, I love you. Way more than I should." Tony couldn't help the smile that broke across his face and he buried his head deeper into Steve's chest.

Tony was happy and he knew everything would be ok with Steve at his side. Was it going to be easy? Oh hell no! But Tony hardly did anything that was easy.

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Reviews are always nice, i hope you like this re-write better than the original :)

*hugs and kisses*

~Jas


	3. In His Arms, There is Death

3rd and final part to the Battles Won and Lost series. I really hope you enjoy this oneshot. There is no smut but its my fav of the 3.

you may need some tissue with this one.

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"Tony! Tony, come on stay with me." Steve forced Tony to a sitting position, in the attempt to get more air into his lungs.

The salt and pepper haired man gasped for breath as Steve frantically called for emergency help. Steve was scared, he knew Tony was getting old. The fear of losing him was increasing every year.

Tony had been curled up in Steve's side a running commentary correcting the facts that the documentary, they had been watching, had gotten wrong streamed from his mouth almost the whole time. It had been him falling silent that had caused Steve to pay closer attention to the frail man. The harsh hiss of air, the feel of the rapid pulse under Steven's fingers, all signs to Steve that something was wrong.

"Tony, the medics are on their way. Stay with me."

Their tiny family had already lost Clint A few years back. He had watched Natasha fall apart dealing with the loss. That had been hard enough, but the knowledge that Tony could be next killed him. He tried not to think about his fear as he helped Tony, when your husband was on old man, you learn to handle stressful health scares with with a calm demeanor. But Tony could always see through him.

"Stop worrying Steve," Tony wheezed, "I'm not leaving you. Not now. Not ever." The man snuggled deep into Steve's chest. Strong arms held him as if needing the contact to feel grounded.

A blond man of around 26 stands on the grass, face stained by the remnants of dried tears. The crisp uniform, so perfectly tailored is muddy at the knees where the man had collapsed a few short minutes ago. A bouquet of flowers lay at his feet, on top of a gravestone.

His eyes are red rimmed but the brightest blue, like the sky after a storm. His golden hair blows in the wind as the rain starts to come down again. He does not notice the chill in the air, or the wet soaking him to the bone. He pays no attention to the people near him, moving about, paying their respects, to loved ones lost. All he cares about is the one that lay at his feet.

One year to the day, he had lost his reason for living. The day he truly cursed having been given the super solider serum.

He had known it was coming, how could he not. Tony was 83 years old, they had live an amazingly wonderful life. They had created a family. They had friends, they had gotten married and they had each had a son by way of a surrogate. The Rogers-Stark family had become everything to Steve.

It had been hard for a few years, when Tony was younger...much younger. But the world had managed to forget about the age difference as the years went on.

The tides changed again as Tony aged and people started asking if Steve was his son or worse his grandson. The worst part was that Tony was still about 50 years younger than Steve.

Many things in their lives had happened to cause pain, and suffering, but the amount of happiness they had experienced out weighed it all.

The birth of their sons Christopher and Scott had been the happiest days of their lives, also the hardest and most exhausting. But both Steve and Tony had believed it to be worth it. The marriage of their son's and the birth of each one of their 5 grandchildren had proved just how worth it it was. They were getting ready to welcome their first great grandchild. The first girl finally. Steve and Tony had been overjoyed to find out there was finally going to be a Rogers-Stark girl.

Their wedding had been small and simple, it had come a long time after the birth of their sons, the gay rights movement had taken a while to gain any ground on the marriage front. They had had a civil union many years before but the day New York had announced that same sex couples could marry had been a joyous day in the Rogers-Stark household. Tony had perhaps gone a little overboard in the planning of the small wedding, but Steve had allowed him. They had rented a spot of land by a lake in upstate New York, flown in all of their friends and family and had celebrated their legally accepted union well into the night. Tony had worn a black tux with a dark green tie and his side of the wedding party matched him, Steve had worn a white tux and the same green tie with his side of the wedding party matching him. Nick Fury, their boss, had been ordained for the wedding and had married them. Tony and Steve had even written their own vows. It had been everything Steve had wanted.

But they had also had many hard parts in life. Explaining to the world that not only was Captain America gay but in love with his god son had been so hard, mostly on Steve. They called him names, mocked him and shunned him in many social circles. It had been the 80s, free love had been established but that didn't mean people weren't close minded. Tony hadn't let the name calling or hatred get to him. He had been Steve's rock through it all.

Tony's capture in Iraq had been perhaps the worst months of Steve's life at the time. He had been foolish not to suspect Obadiah Stane of the atrocious acts. He had never liked Howard's business partner, but could never put his finger on why. Tony had nearly died because of the attacks and when they had found him, he was being kept alive by a piece of machinery that keep shrapnel away from his heart.

It had been a shock to Steve, to realize how close Tony had come to dying. The despair had crashed down on him so hard, he had not been sure he'd be able to get back up. But he did, because of Tony. Tony had somehow reached into Steve's head and pulled him out of his despair and heartache. That had been the first time Steve had stopped to realize just how vulnerable Tony was compared to himself.

Tony though, had found a way to make the reactor work in his favor. Because of it, he had developed sustainable clean energy for the world and he had created his own superhero, allowing himself to go on missions with Steve. Steve was able to forget about Tony's vulnerability because of Iron Man.

At first Steve had had a hard time separating Tony his boyfriend from Tony the super hero, but Tony had not allowed that issue to continue. Rightly putting Steve in his place when during a particularly difficult mission, involving a russian spy, Tony had been injured and Steve had gone all mother hen on him.

He loved working with Tony, their minds, so very different, worked so well together. Steve's mind was tactical, worked best, fastest, on the ground in the thick of things. Tony's was analytical, he worked best under pressure and talking it out, sometimes to no one, but most of the time to Steve. They had saved the world many times.

Eventually he had put together a team of heroes, which had become part of their family. All with extraordinary abilities, Tony Stark had helped save the world, all because of the Arc Reactor.

When they had decided to start a family, it had been their friends who had helped them through the hard times. They had had a hard time finding a surrogate that would be willing to use her own egg and then give up her rights to her children. Both Chris and Scott had been born of the same mother, Chris having Steve's DNA and Scott having Tony's. It had been an amazing life, one that he had never expected to live, let alone see end.

But Tony, like the other Avengers, had been nothing but mortal, with the exception of Thor. They had all aged, and some of them had already passed away. It had been hard to watch, knowing that he would continue to live while their bodies, lay in fabric lined pine boxes, slowly decaying, and turning to dust with the sands of time.

Steve found as the years with Tony went on that he did in fact age but he was aging at an alarmingly slow rate. he now only looked about 35, 10 years older than he was when he had been given the sirum but he was by all accounts almost 130 years old. Steve could and would die, he could be killed in combat or in around 200 or so years he may die from old age. He would finally be able to join his husband, the one person he loved more than life itself and all the many grand kids his and Tony's heirs would produce.

He had never, not once, stopped to consider what life would be like without Tony. Never realized that as they got older, only Tony would show the signs. Tony had aged well, few health issues, thanks to innovative technologies created by Tony himself and a rigorous diet and exercise plan. It had been easy to forget how fleeting life was. But Tony got old and frail. His blood thinner and ultimately the Arc Reactor had not been able to keep all of the shrapnel out.

He had held Tony as they waited for the medics to arrive. Tony had had a few breathing scares the last few months and it had always been nothing. He had had no reason to believe that that breathing episode was anything other than a false alarm. Before the emergency medical response had arrived, it had been all over. Tony's limp lifeless body was cradled into Steve's chest when the paramedics had burst through the doors. Hot salty tears streamed down his face rocking the pair of them on the floor.

The medics had taken Tony from his hands and worked on him for a few minutes, trying to revive him but had pronounced him dead before even leaving Avenger Tower.

"NO!" Steve had shouted as they placed Tony in a body bag and wheeled him out of the room. Steve crumpled to his knees and thrown up on the living room floor, he had tried to walk to their bedroom...his bedroom but had collapsed at the door, unable to walk in and be reminded of what he had just lost. His Tony was gone, taking with him his reason for being. Tony had showed him love, and hope. He had taught Steve how to live, not just walk around like the good little soldier he had once been, but to really LIVE. He had given Steve a family, something Steve had not had in a long time. He had not moved from the spot of the floor where he had collapsed, for what felt like days. He didn't care. His sons had stopped by in the attempt to help him, but they were old to, seeing their weather worn faces scared him. He knew he would be burying them soon too.

It has been a year since Tony had passed away and Steve visits every day. He tells Tony about about Chris and Scott and regales the headstone with tales of the hijinks their 5 grandsons get up to, most are in their 20s, but many of them took after Tony in their desire to party and drink too much.

He tells Tony about little Toni, their first great grand baby and only girl. How her eyes are bright blue with dark brown ringlets for hair. How even at a year old, she is smarter than most her age.

He tells him about the little cat Toni brought home one day, because she had had some cookies in her pocket and it had followed them from the park. He laughs at the parts he knows Tony would yell about or say something clever. He never wants to forget the way Tony sounds when he laughs, but he is starting to, because even super soldiers memories of loved ones passed fade away. He tries to hold on to all the memories he has of the decades that spent with each other but its like trying to hold water in a cupped hand, eventually all the water disappears and all you have left with are traces to prove that water had at some point been in your hand.

"Gapa! Gapa!" The little girl of one runs up to him, her words are unclear but Steve knows he is the one she is talking to. He looks down at her rain soaked hair, only just realizing that it had begun to rain again. He was completely soaked. Smiling down at the little girl he stays just a few seconds longer, placing a picture of Tony and him on there wedding day on the marker.

"I love you Tony and I miss you. Save me a seat, I'll join you when I can." Turning around, he grabs the little girls hand and walks to where her mother and father are waiting.

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*Sobs* leave me a review, feel free to curse me and cuss me out. I will understand.

I do have a continuation to this story in gdocs, but im not sure if i want to post it. i really like the way this story ended. so i think what i will do is, award the reviews of this story with the my Drabble "In Valhalla, There is Life." its not complete but it should give the few that review a little bit of a cheer up.


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